Originally Posted by HullBreach

Dodge Viper Owners Manual:
Congratulations on purchasing your Dodge Viper! Everyone here at dodge would like to remind you that you are in fact mortal, and this car is more than willing to prove it to you in the most spectacular ways possible. To avoid having this happen, please follow the following rules:

1: Always wear your seatbelt, as paramedics hate picking corpses out of trees.

2: Drive only at the posted speed limits. Cops love giving supercars tickets, espcially red ones. Shit, you bought the red one didn't you? You are soooo getting a ticket. Man your insurance agent is going to retire off this shit.

3: Don't race Civic's. Come on now, this is like asking Mike Tyson not to punch toddlers. Do we really need to tell you this? Let them think their VTEC is invincible, as it fills the whole in their life from an absent daddy.

4: Do not taunt the Dodge Viper. Some Vipers have become possesed by angry spirits (Refer to TSB110201: Shit we built the factory on an indian burial ground, and that car just ate Bill) who hate your ass. Don't aggravate things. Making offerings of Maze and firewater at the solstices help appease the cars murderous intent.

5: Use premium unleaded gas only. Were pretty sure you'll remember this, but when your trophy wife whos IQ is slightly higher than room tempature fills it up with regular, or even better, diesel, know that were laughing at you, not with you.