Probably a re-post, but still worth it..

Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an ass.

2. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."

3. The proctologist called. They found your head.
4. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
5. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
6. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
7. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
8. Hang up and drive!
9. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
10. Heart Attacks --- God's Revenge for eating His animal friends.
11. Try not to let your mind wander. It's too small to be out by itself.
12. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching.
13. Guys, just because you have one doesn't mean you have to be one.
14. Dial 911..... Make a cop come.

AND THE NUMBER ONE BUMPER STICKER????..........
15. Welcome to America - Now, Speak English

 

Look at my sig.....

 

visualize whirled peas

if you smoke after sex you are doin it WAY too fast

 

guns don't kill people, I DO

 

I need this one for my girlfriend...