Six Levels of Hangovers

* 1 star hangover

No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last
night was a mere disco nap, which has given you a
whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are
able to function relatively well. However, you are
still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel
this way. You are craving a steak bomb and a side of
gravy fries.

** 2 star hangover

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may
>look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple
>gun. The coffee you are chugging is only exacerbating
>your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie
>fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. There is
>some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
>
>*** 3 star hangover
>
>Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are
>definitely not productive.
>
>Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
>reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your
>alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45
>a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in
>your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball hero
>watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of
>coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of
>diet coke-yet you haven't pee'd once.
>
>**** 4 star hangover
>
>Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak
>too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has
>already lambasted you for being late and has given you
>a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
>but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so
>crucial spot shaving,(girls, it looks like you put
>your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your
>eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes
>you look like a reject from the class picture of
>Grover Cleveland HS, class of '84.
>
>***** 5 star hangover, aka "Dante's 4th Circle of
>Hell."
>
>You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is
>actually annoying the employee who sits in the next
>cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and
>making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in
>the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in
>an attempt to get the remnants of the shit fairy out.
>Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so
>your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty
>good right now. You definitely don't remember who you
>were with, where you were, what you drank, and why
>there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your
>otherwise empty house.
>
>****** 6 star hangover
>
>Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nut smacker" You wake
>up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you
>look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing
>feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your
>vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your
>roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow managed to
>getup before you. You try to lift your head. Not an
>option. Then you inadvertently turn your head too
>quickly and smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes
>in your hair. Suddenly you realize you were smoking,
>but not ultra lights...some jackass handed you
>Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your
>second full time job. You look in the mirror only to
>see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop
>your forehead......the stamp on the back of your hand
>that has magically appeared on your forehead by
>alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus
>14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can
>think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and
>your slippers

 

you're such a whore, whore.