My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might be,
Most likely a dyke she just didn't excite me,
Lefty? Yeah but that was alright,
She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright,
My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony,
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company,
Ass like a donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunky,
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys,
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word,
So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd,
I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any color,
And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother,
But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy,
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?
Like em' easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat, gee,
You know what I really want in a girl? Me,

I need to find a new vagina,
Any kind of new vagina,
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina,
Calvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina,

Women are like dog, doo, hear me through don't interrupt,
It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up,
I'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters,
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture,
No age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheese,
Preferably for me fat-free American singles only,
I want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinner,
Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner,
Like Sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fat,
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap,
Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough,
No I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up,
Just independent like NOFX ,smart like Janeane Garafolo,
She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know,
Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System, gee,
You know what I really want in a girl? Me,

I need to find a new vagina,
Any kind of new vagina,
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina,
Kevin Klein? Kind of South Carolina,
Vagina vagina vagina vagina,
Vagina vagina vagina vagina.

 

Times New Roman you know the type
Calling me Public Enemy, but don't believe the hype
Tough guy like the one in "Star 80" wanna bait me
Hook line sinker now your lady wanna date me
Gave your girl a little wink so you make a big stink
Shoulder's got a chip so you flip like a Tiddlywink
Know what I think? I think you might be Darwin's missing link
Get all bent out of shape when the heat is on just like a Shrinky Dink
Bet I can take a hint better than I can take a hit
Completely incompatible though I'm a pussy and you're a dick
How can you hold a grudge when you can't even hold a job?
Should have known butter but you're not corn on the cob
I choose to use a song for a weapon not a sword struck a chord
If I wanted to see stars I'll watch the "Academy Awards"
That's why I ran like a Flock Of Seagulls why make-up like Mary Kay?
You must've given up on hair plugs 'cause now you're going toupee

All in all you're just another dick with no balls
All in all you're just another dick with no balls

Mama said talk this out and resolve
Don't wanna be involved so gimme a call when you evolve
Doggy paddle to the shallow end of the gene pool
Half with it half wit half finished high school
Give you a piece of my mind but I know you want it splattered
Heard you like your women like you like your shrimp you like 'em battered
Wife beater perfectly fitting apparel
Where's your brother Daryl? Where's your other brother Daryl?
Givin' me that Macho Man Randy Savage stare
Wanna snap into a Slim Jim break my limbs but do I care?
No sorry I'm a lover not a fighter commit your crime
I'll be glad to do your girlfriend, I'll be glad that you do time
Here's the deal I cop a feel you cop a plea but get the maximum
Now we both got records but the difference is mine's platinum
Definitely showed this yellow bellied wimp limp in your cell now though alone
When you're choking your chicken your chick will be choking on this chicken's bone

All in all you're just another dick with no balls
All in all you're just another dick with no balls

Right turn Clyde
Right turn Clyde
Right turn Clyde
Right turn Clyde.

 

Ashes To Ashes And Funks To Funky
Daddy Long Legs Is A Mean Ass Honky
And Jimmy Pop Ain't No Heiny Hobbit Gaybe
Ain't No Big Meaty Chunks In My Thick Brown Gravy
Cause I'm The Loch Ness The Loch Ness The Loch Ness Monster
Jerry's Kids Are Knockin' At My Door, "Could You Be A Sponsor?"
Tiny Bubbles In My Tub Pull My Finger Lawrence Welk
If You Wanna Look Like Rocky Dennis Better Drink Your Milk
When I'm Feeling Oriental I Gotta Rub My Chin
Gonna Hold My Water In Like I'm Gunga Din
So Have A Taste Of My Bass Cause The Girlies Got Smiles
You Get On My Case Like The Rockford Files
Crazy Eddie In The Slammer Cause He's Giving It All Away
John Boy In The Barn With A Horse In The Hay
No Rhyme No Reason No Job No Class
And We Don't Go Near The Ghetto Cause They'd Shoot Our Ass
Go Go Yeah Yeah Huh What?
I'm A Legend In My Spare Time
If You Ain't Ever Been To The Suburbs
Don't Ever Come To The Suburbs
Cause You Wouldn't Understand The Suburbs
Cause I'm A Huskin' A Huskin' A Huskin' Your Corn
I'm As Deep As The Plot To A Gay Porn
So Uh-Oh Spaghettios I Forgot To Hide Away The Body
I Know That She's A Hotty But Damn That Girl Could Party
So Come To Me Momma It Ain't No Crime
I'm The Skilled Love Doctor Growlin', "What's Your Sign?"
I Did The Flamin' Waffle With Ho Chi Min
Your Girl's A Dollar Bill We Don't Know Where She's Been
J.F.K.'S Head Is A Puzzle And Your Woman Needs A Muzzle
Barbara Eden In The Bottle And Now I'm Gonna Guzzle
You're Too What? Shy Shy Huh What?
Hush Hush Yea? I Knew Why
Cause We're Playing The Palladium You Can't Get On Star Search
Daddy Legs Standing Tall He Can Do The Funky Lurch
And Jimmy Jimmy Pop Is Short For Jimmy Jimmy Popular
You Know I Know You Know Your Not The Tough Guy That You Thought You Were
Go Go Yeah Yeah Huh What?
I'm A Legend In My Spare Time
Cause I Wopbobaloobop
Ha Cha Cha Chatch
Come Lick My Balls
Vive La My Crotch
Cause Your Daddy Thinks I'm Lazy Your Momma Thinks I'm Crazy
But Neither Of Them Know That You Are Carrying My Baby
And I'm The Amos I'm The Andy I'm The Sticky Aunt Jemammy
I Gave You Mouth To Mouth Like Resuscitation Annie
It Takes Two Of Us To Do This Like Dean Martin Jerry Lewis
And Your Throat Is Swollen Gloryholen' Ya Blew Us
George Burns' Pacemaker Beats Steady Slow And Low
That's Why We Got More Hits Then A Dealer At A Dead Show
Go Go Yeah Yeah Huh What?
I'm A Legend In My Spare Time

 

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to explain
I'm your biggest fan
I just wanted to ask
Could I eat your ass?
Write back as soon as you can

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had a lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to complain
Ya never wrote me back
How could I ever eat
Your ass when ya treat
Your biggest fan like that?

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had a lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to constrain
This letter is my last
As your biggest fan
I must demand
You let me eat your ass

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had a lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

P.S.
Mom and Dad this is Chasey
Chasey this is my mom and dad
Now show 'em them titties
Now show 'em them titties
P.S.
Mom and Dad this is Chasey
Chasey this is my mom and dad
Now show 'em them titties
Now show 'em them titties

Would ya fuck me for blow?

 

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Goodbye!

I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is 3D blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I pictured me
I can't control my shakes
How the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong...
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory?

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Get outta my head cuz I don't need this
Why I didn't I see this?
I'm a victim - Manchurian candidate
I have sinned by just
Makin' my mind up and takin' your breath away

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Goodbye!

You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
My flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

And it waits for you!

 

Great pains
I've gone to
Gang slang
I've gone to
Lame brain
Looking for gold I
I have become someone else
Outside
Stepping to inside
Stepping to my side
Stepping I wade through shit
He's a loser
He's a loser, she said
He's a loser
He's a loser, she said
I am mine
I am mine
I am mine
I am mine
I am mine
I can't become someone else
He's a loser
He's a loser, she said
He's a loser
He's a loser, she said

 

Corrosive
Tainted by my sin
I'm spilling blood
And I can hardly contain it
Corrosive
Hallowing the hand
Stiffened
I eat away
Eat
Eat into the surface
Yeah, you push it
Yeah, you push it
Yeah, you push it
Explosive
More violent more violent
All consuming
Throbbing
Straight to the circle
Explosive
Move on reaction
I slow it down
I slow it
Down down down down...
Yeah, you push it
Yeah, you push it
Yeah, you push it
I see it, I need it
I see it, I need it
My mind it corrosive
I trip on corrosive
I freak
See through me
My eyes are explosive
I feed on it
Black out
Crucify me
Yeah, you push it

 

We kiss
The Stars
We writhe
We are

Your name
Desire
Your flesh
We are

Cold
We're so cold
We are so
Cold
We're so cold

Your mouth
This words
Silence
It turns
Humming
We laugh
My head
Falls back

 

Jump, bounce, down, up
I went out on a date
with a girl, a bit late
she had so many friends
gliding through many hands
I brought my pogo stick
just to show her a trick
she had so many friends
Gliding through many hands
Jump pogo.....Bounce pogo
Down pogo, up pogo
Unannouced twster games
All players with no names
they lined up double quick
but just one pogo stick
everyone gets to play
runaway exposZ
it was so exotic
but just one pogo stick
Jump pogo.....Bounce pogo
Down pogo, up pogo
Oh I like to spread you out
touching whoever's behind
Jump pogo.....Bounce pogo
Down pogo, up pogo

 

Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho groupie coke
Makes you high makes you hide
makes you really want to go, STOP
Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho groupie coke
Makes you high makes you hide
makes you really want to think and stop
stop your eyes from flowing
Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho groupie coke
Makes you high makes you hide
makes you really want to go, STOP
Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho groupie coke
Makes you high makes you hide
makes you really want to think and stop
stop your eyes from flowing out
so you want the world to stop
stop in and watch your body fully drop
from the time you were a
psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
so you want to see the show
you really don't have to be a ho
from the time you were a
psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho groupie coke
Makes you high makes you hide
makes you really want to go STOP
psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
psycho groupie coke
do you really want to think and stop
stop your eyes from flowing out
so you want the world to stop
rushing to watch your spirit fully drop
from the time you were a
psycho, groupie, cocaine crazy
so you want to see the show
you really don't have to be a ho
from the time you were a
psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy