A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well the boy is ecstatic but he has never had sex before so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
hed like to buy a 3-pack 10-pack or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy it being his first time and all.

That night the boy shows up at the girls parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. Oh Im so excited for you to
meet my parents come on in!

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girls parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.

A minute passes and the boy is still deep in prayer with his
head down.

10 minutes pass and still no movement from the boy.

Finally after 20 minutes with his head down the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend I had no idea you
were this religious.

The boy turns and whispers back I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist.

 

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. Reverend she said I have a problem my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. Its very
embarrassing. What should I do?

I have an idea said the minister. Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion you give him a
good poke in the leg.

In church the following Sunday Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this the preacher put his plan to work. And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you? he said nodding to Mrs. Jones.

Jesus! Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

Yes you are right Mr. Jones said the minister. Soon Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again the minister noticed. Who is
your redeemer? he asked the congregation motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

God! Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

Right again said the minister smiling. Before long Mr.
Jones again winked off. However this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?

Mrs. Jones poked her husband who yelled You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and Ill break it in half
and shove it up your ass!

Amen replied the congregation.

 

A few months ago there was an opening with the CIA for an
assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill
and theres a lot of testing and background checks involved
before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks
training and testing they narrowed the possible choices down to
2 men and a woman but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get
the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test
took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter
what the circumstances they explained. Inside this room you
will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill
her.

The man got a shocked look on his face and said You cant be
serious! I could never shoot my own wife!

Well says the CIA man youre definitely not the right man
for this job then.

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a
gun. We must know that you will follow instructions no matter
what the circumstances they explained to the second man.
Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this
gun and kill her.

The second man looked a bit shocked but nonetheless took the
gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes
then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in
his eyes. I tried to shoot her I just couldnt pull the
trigger and shoot my wife. I guess Im not the right man for the
job.

No the CIA man replied You dont have what it takes. Take
your wife and go home.

Now theyre down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her
to the same door to the same room and hand her the same gun. We
must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what
the circumstances this is your final test. Inside you will find
your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him.

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Once the door
closed the CIA heard the gun start firing. One shot after
another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room.
They heard screaming crashing banging on the walls. This went
on for several minutes then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the
sweat from her brow and said You guys didnt tell me the gun
was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the bastard to death with
the chair!

 

One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said Because you
are the only two animals I have seen I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear you go first. The bear thought for a
minute and being the male he was said I wish for all the
bears in this forest besides me to be female.

For his wish the rabbit asked for a crash helmet and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit wasting his wish like that.

It was the bears second turn for a wish. Well I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well.

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was
asking for these stupid things after all he could have asked
for money and bought the motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said I
wish that all the bears in the world besides me were female.

The rabbit grinned gunned the engine and said I wish that
the bear was gay.

Category: Gays & Lesbians Gays & Lesbians Sex Animals
Rating: PG
By: Frank Campos

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

damn that was some funny shit