BAD AMERICAN
By George Carlin

I am your worst nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I like big cars big hooters and big paychecks. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family not some mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts out squirting out babies.

Im not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way damn-it!! I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osborne Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang. I think owning a gun doesnt make you a killer. I believe its called the Boy Scouts for a reason.

I dont think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac youd better do it in English. I dont use the excuse its for the children as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July. I think that being a student doesnt give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster.
In fact if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college you havent begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods just leave the rest of us out of it. This also applies to sexuality. My heroes are John Wayne the Simpsons and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.

I dont hate the rich. I dont pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake and I dont waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now when Im freezing my ass off through a long winter? Ive never owned a slave or was a slave I didnt wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt I havent burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you so shut-the-f--- up-already. I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money? And why is he always part of the problem and not the solution.

I think the cops have the right to shoot your sorry ass if you are breaking the law regardless of what color you are. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works I dont want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation of the world for the next four years.

I hate those bastards standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making donations to their cause. These people should be targets.

I think if you are in the passing lane and not passing your license should be revoked and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.

I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.

I believe that it doesnt take a village to raise a child it takes two parents.

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them but please dont pretend they are a political statement.

I think Dr.Seuss was a genius.

Im neither angry or disenfranchised no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

I believe if she has her lips on your willie it is sex and it is sex for both of you. This even applies to the President of the United States.

If that makes me a BAD American then yes Im a BAD American.

 

I could not agree more.