1.
There was a cucumber, pickle, and penis sitting around talking about how their lives suck... The cucumber says, "man my life sucks, when i get big fat and juicy, they cut me up and put me on a salad. The pickle looks at him and says "you think you have it bad? When i get big fat and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar". The penis looks at him and says " you think you have it rough? When i get big fat and juicy, the put a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall til i throw up up all over myself and pass out".

2.
A man comes home late and sneeks in, gives his wife oral sex. When he's done, he goes to the bathroom and finds his wife, She say's "Shhhh you're mothers here!!!"

3.
A stoner ask his grandma, "have you seen my pills, they're marked LSD..?" Grandman says "fuck you're pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen!?!?!?"

End jokes Have a nice day/night.