Damn I feel you man...life's a bitch almost all the time...a lot of us have been through a lot..God knows I have...and trust me I understand where you're coming from...but we just gotta keep moving forward...don't tell you're self you're a fuck up becuase you'll say it enough times that you'll truly believe it and you'll get into even deeper, dumber, worthless shit. Keep your head up...hard times aren't meant to last forever, even if they do seem so...