I lost my twin brother when I was 8 years old and was rejected by my parents because I looked like him. I was homeless scared and hungry. My friends took me in from time to time but I lived up at the Wal-Mart plaza most of the time. I managed to stay in school but barely and made money by being a criminal. I got involved in organized crime and did a lot of things I wish I could take back. Years went by and I was finally able to go back home. I was kicked out of the public school system and several private schools for violence and drugs until I landed myself in a school where I could put my guard down. The reason I could do that was because the previous schools owner was so pissed at me that he refused to send my transcripts for 6 months.

My second day of school there I was caught smoking and the principle told me to come see him in his office when I was done. I don;t know why but as he was walking away I walked up to him and told him that I was smoking because I was addicted not because I wanted to rebel. He looked at me put his hand on my shoulder and said its okay I understand. That was the first time in a long time I had been honest with anyone and the first time in a long time someone had forgiven me. Mr. Fuller was his name and he forever changed my life with something so small and stupid as that. It might not seem like much but it meant everything in the world to me. Because of that I was able to forgive my parents and able to understand why they had felt the way they felt. I found that forgiving people instead of dwelling on it gave me more power to do better things in my life and to move on.

Life continues to be a tragedy but I dont think God gives you anything you cant handle. I found my best friend Jay dead and I continue to lose and average of three friends per year. It sucks and it hurts but this is life and somewhere in the mess of it all are lessons to be learned to make you a better and stronger person. You cant learn about life without seeing life and you cant appreciate life without living it. Just remember guys when things are at their worst....they can only ever get better. Things dont tie together so dont treat them as one big cluster fuck or youll never learn the individual lessons each event was intended to teach you.

I think everyone of us carries a lot of very deep rooted scars but thats what makes us the people we are. Though painful those scars define us and guide us in life. Dont let them control you thats not what theyre there for. If you dont lead a life chase after it and leave the things in that belong in the past youll never be able to move on and youll never find what youre looking for....