its just boggles me i have never let anything get me down. and now i just want to cry(which i am after reading your story) i have thought about ending it all sometimes but i dont think i ever would. i dont know though see you have positves you have someone there for you to share your pain with i am all alone here. i dont talk about this with my family cause i dont want them to start to mourn again afterall they seem to be doing very good. so i just stay to myself and sometimes it hurts and sometimes it doesnt.

for the first time in my life i guess i feel alone and the one person that i really looked up to and had reppect for i gone now. thats why i spend so much time in my work shop cause me and him worked on things out there and it reminds me of him and it actualy makes me happy. i am trying to get things together but i just cant seem to accomplish jack shit. i am rolling with the punched but damn they are starting to hurt.