You get the head, I'll bring some alcohol. We'll ghetto rig some shit, take the bus to Bennigan's, eat lots of crap, drink way too much, pass out and wake up wondering why the car isn't running. Don't worry everyone, I'll be wearing a chastity belt so Jeffy can't try to poke his "camshaft" into my cam valley

And to enlist the aide of Brian:
There will be balls up guys asses! That should get him to go. They won't be up my ass, but the poor bastard sitting next to us will get Jeff's balls if that's what it takes to get you to help