FAST AND FURIOUS
The Fast and the Furious is full of s**t. It makes your average ricer look like a super-hero which is straight bullshit.
They should make a more realistic Fast and Furious part 2. Let me set up the scenario:
Its Friday night in a 7-11 parking lot with 18 ricers crowded around 2 civics talking about how they almost
pummelled someone the club they were just at. All of a sudden another crew pulls into the parking lot with their civics pumping Euro Heaven. The first crew of ricers tense up as they see the next crew park their civics to lounge around as well.
The crews spot each other. Hard looks are exchanged. Finally a ricer from the first crew decides to go into the 7-11
with his girlfriend so she can buy him a sandwich and juice. As the ricer and his girlfriend go towards the 7-11 they walk past the other crew of ricers. Street heat is generated. All of a sudden…
“Hey what are you looking at?
What ?
Yo what are you ****ing looking at?
Bro you wanna start something?
Oh my god bro you are not talking to me
Get out of my face before I give you the zaps
... All of a sudden the first crew notice their friend is in trouble.
They speed over. Everyone rushes in and talks about pounding each other but no one actually fights. Then...
Yo I say we line it up
You wanna line it up with me?
What you afraid?
Bro Ill smoke you. My civic has dual turbo exhaust trans cam shafts.
Bro mine has a super charged rear front differential boost system
They continue to brag about how they each spent over 10000 dollars souping up their rides even though they both work for minimum wage doing retail in the local mall. Finally they line it up. Engines rev and the ricers 14 year old girlfriends wish them luck. They speed off blazing down the abandoned suburban road circa 3:00am on a Friday night. Both ricers are really scared because although they talk like they race a lot neither of them has really ever lined it up before.
As he speeds down the road the first ricer thinks to himself what would the guy from the Fast and the Furious do if he were me? He then remembers a scene from the movie and goes to push the nitro button hidden on his steering wheel. He however is disappointed to discover there is no nitro button on his steering wheel because stupid sh*t like that only exists in hollywood movies that try and glorify ricers. He starts to panic. His world is crumbling around him.
Suddenly he spins off the road and crashes into a lamppost then rebounds right into the front glass of the local blockbuster where his best friend works. He is still alive but his car is on fire. He knows he only has moments to escape before the car explodes. He goes for the door but is shocked to discover he cant make it because his super big loop earring is hooked on a piece of the front seat trapping him in the car. He sees his friend in the blockbuster and cries out Please help me! Oh my god!
BOOOOOOOM. Too late. The explosion takes place levelling the entire complex.
Further down the street the other ricer is still speeding away because his windows are so tinted he cant see the other car has already crashed and is out of the race. As he drives he imagines Limp Bizkits my way playing in the back of his head. All of a sudden he remembers that he has that CD cause he made his girlfriend buy it for him. He goes into his CD compartment grabs the disc and puts it in to play. Everything is cool. Or so he thinks...
He has forgotten that he had his stereo set on super bass. All of a sudden the bass from his souped up system shakes the car so badly it causes engine failure. His car crashes into the local prison. Crawling out from the wreck he is dismayed to find himself inside an inmates cell. The prisoner stares at the ricer. The long streaked hair baby smooth face and shiny loop earrings lead the prisoner to believe that the ricer is actually a woman and he rushes the poor ricer. He easily tears away the ricers Kappa button up joggers and has at him. The prisoner handles the
ricer in a style that is both fast and furious.
Later the ricer is naked and wandering the streets sore and ashamed. He uses his white Nike headband hanging around his neck to wipe the tears from his eye.
The night truly has been Fast and
Furious...
THE END