pockbatch

I have an officemate/old friend who went to vacation in Hawaii. He's vacationing with his family and since we're good friends, I joked about borrowing his old sedan (a BMW 3 series). To my surprise, he said yes. So I drove it excitedly back to our house and I told my wife it was Brad's (my friend's).
I was supposed to return it a week after, and his sister who will be coming to his house will wait for it. But my wise wife decided to use it WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. SHE LATER SAID SHE WAS ONLY GONNA FLAUNT IT TO HER AMIGA. She crashed the car!! I am super furious even as I type this now! Because of her, my good friend was "turned off" because I couldn't take care of HIS CAR that I borrowed.
My wife and I are still not talking. I now have a nickname in our office and rumors are circulating about me, a guy who "borrows a BMW and crashes it because he doesn't know how to drive". As much as I'm angry, I want to resolve this conflict with my wife. But she has sky high ego and won't even fix her mistake and apologize properly. I can't believe I married someone like this. What should I do?

senor honda

1. Marriage is forever. Don't ever bring it up to her again. It is really between her and

someone else.
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2. Accept no blame for what someone else does. Don't discuss it with anyone else

including the office bastards......and next time you get the keys....keep the keys.
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3. And since the keys and responsibility were handed to you, as a responsible person

it would be the right thing to do to start sending some money every week to the guy

who gave you the keys and the responsibility. When the amount you send equals the

book value of the BMW, you have paid for the car.

4. In the future Don't borrow anything which you cannot pay for.

pockbatch

We had a major fight again about the same issue. It was so bad that we ended up deciding that we need couples counseling. We know that we love one another and this tragedy should not affect us but it's really killing the gears of our relationship. We still want to be together so we are going to work things out through counseling. I hope it's not too late for us.

senor honda

A willingness to talk about a conflict with a counselor is a step in the right direction.
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I would try to avoid making any accusations, and let the counselor

assign blame, if assigning blame must be done. It's better that the

counselors words be the words to disagree with, instead of disagreeing

with each other.
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I would start with things that both of you agree on

and list what you both agree on.
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After talking about things you both agree on, write down a

separate list of items that the two of you disagree on.
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Always let the counselor make decisions, and your role is

to discuss what he wants to explore.
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senor honda

Of the 4 things I put in post #2, it sounds like someone disagreed with one

of them in order to get conflict stirred up again.
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Another possibility is that a disagreement had already started and then

one of you brought up the car incident,
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